dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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