She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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