my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
