; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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