I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
