just come out here and I will go home with you...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
