What a fucking waste of an outfit
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
