I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
