Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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