Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
