my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
