That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
