she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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