can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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