I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
