you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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