oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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