dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
