you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
