I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
