If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
