I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
