FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
