great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
