I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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