So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
