I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
