It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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