In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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