I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
