I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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