My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
