I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
