well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
