Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Randomize
