You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
