Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
