Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
