need another drink. this is the easiest way
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
