Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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