Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
