Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
