I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
