haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
