4 words: hood of his car
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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