Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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