Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
