Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
