I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
