Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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