My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
