Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
