He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
