I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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