hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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