He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize