How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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