so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
