How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
