I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
