this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
