she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
