just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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