i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
