Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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