To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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