Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
