You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
