On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Small penises have feelings too.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
