He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
