How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
