Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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