were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
