Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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