You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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